The email landed with a thud, not in my inbox, but somewhere deep in my gut. A critical diagnosis. My diagnosis. For years, I’ve sat with others as they navigate these waters, the End-of-Life Doula, the gatekeeper of sorts between the known and the unknown. Suddenly, the lens has turned around, and I’m staring at my own reflection, no longer the guide but the one embarking on the journey.
The initial shock was palpable, a disorienting shift from professional composure to personal vulnerability. Me? But I’m the one who is supposed to help *others* prepare. I’m the one who talks about thinning bucket lists, legacy work, and getting affairs in order. It’s ironic, isn’t it? The expert in end-of-life planning suddenly confronted with the urgent need to practice what she preaches, and realizing, with a jolt, that even the expert has loose ends.
The phrase ‘What Matters Most’ has been a cornerstone of my work. But now, it’s not a question I pose to a client; it’s a deep, personal excavation. The lens has shifted from professional to profoundly personal. What *does* matter most to me, Carolynn, now that the horizon has changed? The theoretical becomes intensely real.
I find myself re-evaluating everything – not just the big things, but the small, quiet moments too. The ‘bucket list’ isn’t about grand adventures anymore; it’s about meaningful connections, about ensuring my own legacy is one of love and intention, not just professional advice.
There’s a strange comfort in the familiarity of the tools, though. The principles of preparation, of living with intention, are still valid, perhaps even more so now. I am committed to navigating this new, unexpected path with the same clarity, intention, and, yes, vulnerability that I have always encouraged in those I serve. The mirror has turned to face me, and it’s time to look deeply into it.
I still await a critical test that will tell me more, but all of my senses are heightened, and that mirror image is wagging a finger at me for my own complacency. I seem to be my own partner in crime. The upside is that I have the tools I need to finish the job and leave that nugget of burden behind me.
Thanks for listening. I invite you to join the conversation by using the Reply box below. Have a great week ahead.
With warmth always,
Carolynn