As I sit down to write my messages each week, with faithful Luna by my side, I often reflect on legacy—after all, I’m not getting any younger. I wonder how my children and those closest to me will truly remember me. I hope their memories will be rooted in essence, feeling, and understanding, rather than just a list of rote memories and events. Will they recall the long hours I dedicated to building enduring education systems, or will they understand the “why” behind those hours? Will they remember that it was because of them, for them, that I recognized the need for better early education programs?
Similarly, will anyone remember the reasons behind the heart-work I now do around death and legacy? That it all started with my mother’s terminal illness and the approach of her life’s end. As I write this, today marks the sixth anniversary of her passing, and I still feel deep gratitude for being by her side, in her final weeks, as her caregiver and advocate. In those weeks, we engaged in pure legacy work—gathering her photographs, reminiscing about their occasion and meaning, and bringing loved ones from near and far. In truth, I was her end-of-life doula then, though I didn’t realize it at the time.
Intentional legacy work is a powerful way to tell our own story, as unique in the universe as we are as individuals. It allows us to appreciate our life’s contributions, their existence, and their place in the world—or at least in the circles where we are known. Ideally, the impact we have on others becomes the greatest honor of our lives, reflecting the values we upheld and the love we shared.
Celebrating a life doesn’t have to be something saved for after someone passes; it can be a meaningful, ongoing act of remembrance. We can actively honor and create our legacy while we’re still alive. Here are a few options:
Create a ‘living legacy’ in real time by sharing stories as loved ones gather around the kitchen table, looking through photographs. Select some photos to include in a printed collection of the stories. Send copies to everyone at the table that day.
Use a recorder, your phone, or tablet to capture your most memorable stories—yes, the ones you tell again and again. Save them to a USB drive and leave them for your loved ones to enjoy long after you are dancing again among the stars.
Look up a storytelling website, such as Storyworth or Life Story Book, answer questions and quick writing prompts to create a hardcover book of your life story with photos included.
Create a legacy by performing acts of kindness that reflect your values. Stock shelves at the food pantry, walk dogs at the humane society, donate your accounting skills to a small non-profit. This kind of service work might go unnoticed by most, but it is priceless to local organizations, and you will be remembered for your kindness.
Write your own eulogy so that the words spoken after you’re gone reflect what you want most remembered. Have them printed on memorial cards with a photograph to distribute by mail or at a celebration of life.
It’s now easy to gather treasured images and create a professionally printed photographic collage as a gift for your loved ones. Websites like Shutterfly and Mixbook make it simple: just upload your photos and select a template. You can also have them printed on a blanket or throw pillow at these sites or others.
A key part of any legacy is the personal, one-of-a-kind words we leave for our loved ones—those messages we craft to guide, comfort, and inspire them long after we’re gone.
There are as many ways to express legacy as there are people to create them. Doulas have experience in finding or developing a wide range of custom projects that capture your personality and reflect your values, but there are several simple ways to do it on your own. Whether through books, websites, or word-of-mouth, legacy doesn’t have to be complicated, and completing it can bring a great sense of fulfillment in final days.
Thank you for taking the moments to consider legacy with me again today. As always, I would love to hear your ideas and experiences. Please use the Reply box below to share.
With warm and loving regards,
Carolynn